Although movies and TV will have you believing the moment of penetration should be orgasmic for you, in reality, 82 percent of women can’t orgasm just because a penis or dildo is inside them. For the majority of vulva-havers, clitoral stimulation will likely up the odds of orgasm more than just penetration.
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Whether you’re masturbating solo or looking for tips you can translate to a partner, focusing on clitoral touch with intention and technique can really change things up and help you better understand your body.
First, a lil anatomy lesson: Your clitoris is the nubbin at the top of your vaginal opening (so between your vagina and your belly button, if that helps GPS it for you), and there are around 8,000 nerve-endings which is...a lot. Also, fun fact: Humans are not the only animals to have clitorises! In fact, scientists recently studied bunny orgasms to learn more about the evolutionary benefit of clitorises and orgasms and it’s some pretty fascinating stuff.
With 8,000 nerve-endings at the ready, the world is your oyster. But where to start? We rounded up some tips from the experts to help give you the best clit-rubbing play-by-play.
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Try the "peace sign" method
This genius tip comes courtesy of Carmel Jones, sex and relationships expert. If you have a very sensitive clitoris, touching it directly can feel like over-stimulation, Carmel explains. For people with ultra-sensitive clits, put two fingers up like you’re making a peace sign, and press the peace sign just outside your clitoris, on your outer labia, Carmel suggests. From there, you can either move your fingers up and down (imagine you are playing two keys on piano), or gently massage your fingers together and then apart. Both these motions can stimulate your clitoris without direct contact, Carmel says. For even more of a buffer, Carmel also says you can try doing the peace sign method or other masturbation techniques over a pair of undies or a light blanket.
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Try to stimulate the entirety of your clit, not just the visible external part.
Your clit is like an iceberg—there are a ton more nerves under the surface, and the part you can see and touch is really just a small portion of it. Your clit actually extends around your vaginal opening and is shaped kinda like a wishbone. “Most vulva owners are only aware of the top of the clitoris that is typically rubbed to reach orgasm,” explains Malika O’Neill, sex expert and owner of The Pleasure Collective. Massage your labia and the area right above the clit wishbone legs for even more stimulation. You can also extend your touch even further and massage your vaginal opening, perineum (between your vagina and anus), inner thighs, and anus, Malika suggests. If you want even deeper sensation, Malika recommends using an external vibrator on those areas to try to make it more exciting.
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Use pressure to give your clit a mini hand job.
The skin that covers your clit is your clitoral hood, and it’s essentially like a foreskin for your clit. You can work the clitoral hood into your masturbation sessions as well. Malika suggests gently gripping the skin between your thumb and pointer finger and experimenting with pressure until you find something that feels pleasurable for you. From there, you can try different motions like moving your hand or fingers up and down. To help you visualize it, you’re essentially giving your clit a mini hand job, as Malika explains.
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Try diagonal movement.
To “rub” your clit is a pretty broad directive, so sometimes it can be helpful to know exactly what to do and how to move your fingers or hands. Malika suggests experimenting with diagonal movement for more pleasure. “Take two to three fingers, flatten them, and gently rub your clit back and forth in diagonal motions, increasing in speed and intensity as you desire.” This can be great if you have a sensitive clit or if you’re just looking to change things up.
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Try some lube.
Sex and relationships educator Kate McCombs suggests putting a quarter-sized drop of lube on your fingers and using it to gently massage your clitoris. You can also put your fingers on either side of your clitoris and move slowly up and down your inner labia, aka the folds of skin immediately surrounding your clit. The lube lets you slow down and really focus on smooth, continuous motions so you can figure out what feels good. Not everyone likes friction!
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Try circular motions.
Some women find that consistency, rather than increased pace, is what gets them off. To test this theory, use one or two fingers to make steady circles around or on the top of your clitoris. You can vary up the speed, but once you find something that feels good, try and stick with it for a few minutes and see what happens.
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Try light taps.
A twist on the above: still steady, but this time, make it a tapping motion! This can tire out your hand after a bit but it allows you to play with pressure. Do you like taps that feel a bit heavier, like a rub, or lighter, like a cool ocean breeze here to deliver you bomb-ass orgasms?
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Try going double time.
This strategy comes courtesy of OMGYes, a site devoted to understanding how women get off. Try using both hands. One hand slowly circles the entrance of your vagina without penetrating, while the other draws circles on your clitoris more quickly. The increase of sensation variety might be exactly what you need.
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Try it on your stomach.
Put your thing down, flip it, and reverse it. If you're someone who's into rubbing your clit against a surface (#TBT dry humping), you might want to see what happens when you masturbate face down on your bed. That way you can still use your hands, but you'll also be free to grind against your mattress or a pillow for a little extra oomph.
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Try a vibrator.
This is an especially great option for people whose hands get tired or, let's be real, if you happen to have long finger nails. Basically, vibrators are for everyone. They're A++++ for experimenting because most toys these days vary in both speed and pattern of vibration. You can find a stellar list of clit-centric vibrators right this way.
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This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.
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Source: Cosmo PH
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