How To Talk To Your Barkada About Money Without It Getting *Awkward*

We've all been in situations where someone doesn't feel like paying their share of the bill, or maybe you're the one who finds their friends splashing out carelessly, and you feel left behind? Whatever the money-related issue, dealing with it is rarely fun. But it's not just awkward: Not talking about money with your barkada could be costing you extra just because we don't want to seem confrontational or impolite. To help avert friendship bust-ups over money, finance editor Kalpana Fitzpatrick takes a look at some tricky scenarios when it comes to talking to friends about money.

Dilemma: Umutang sa akin yung friend ko ng P5,000 and they haven't paid me back. 

The solution: No matter how frustrating this feels, take heart from the fact that it's a very common scenario. According to a Lloyds Bank study, 30 percent of adults say they've argued with friends about money, with lending as the main cause. "Ask yourself: Do you want the money in that moment or would you just like it if they acknowledged the situation?" says Alex Holder, author of Open Up: Why Talking About Money Will Change Your Life.

Sometimes, just knowing they haven't forgotten can help you feel better. Ask them if it's okay for you to remind them in a month and follow up then. But if it really is about the money and your resentment is starting to damage the friendship, speak up. "If you don't ask then it will just play on your mind and affect your relationships," Alex adds.

If they can't afford to pay you back, work with them to come up with a repayment plan. Start by asking: "Would P1,000 a month be easier, rather than the full amount in one go? I'll send you my bank details again, just in case you don't have them." If you don't want to talk to them directly, another option is to ask for the money in a subtle private message with your bank details attached. 

Dilemma: If we go on a trip together, how can I make sure we all pay fairly?

The solution: No one wants to ruin a good vacay with arguments over who paid for what. Keep things equal by downloading the Splitwise app before you go. One person creates a "group." Then, each time someone makes a payment, such as paying for a meal, they enter the cost and who paid into the app, and tick the names of the people who owe money. At the end of the trip, the app will work out a split for the group. All you have to do is settle up.

If, on the other hand, you'd prefer to set a budget to start with so costs don't spiral, look at the HyperJar app's "Shared Jar" feature, which allows users to create instant digital kitties with up to 30 people. Whoever sets up the shared jar can give permission to everyone in the group to view it and make purchases—as long as they too have the app. It will show exactly who is using the money and where it is spent, so you can keep a close eye on the pot. Once you have a system that works, use it for all of your socializing, or even with roommates, to keep costs fair.

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Dilemma: When we go out, I often choose a smaller meal and don't drink, but my friends split the bill so we all pay the same. How can I say I just want to pay for what I've had?

The solution: Ever seen the episode of Friends where a restaurant bill is split equally and Phoebe, Joey, and Rachel reveal they had a smaller meal because they couldn't afford the same as Monica, Ross, and Chandler? It clues us into a tricky truth: Sometimes, friends just don't realize that not everyone has the same budget. The key lesson here is not to wait until the bill comes to tell your friends you only want to pay for what you ate. "Be honest from the start. Unless you say something, you can't expect them to guess," says Alex. "If you have one of those annoying friends who orders 10 starters for the table and an extra round of negronis for everyone, overcome that by going out with cash only. When you order, say you only have a certain amount on you and therefore will only be ordering a small meal. Don't be embarrassed about putting the cash down at the end. Say: "This is all the cash I have, but it covers my food and drink.'"

Dilemma: My friends talk about salaries, but I earn less and worry they'll judge me.

The solution: According to the Money & Pensions Service, embarrassment is the most common reason why adults avoid talking about money to friends and family (18 percent), with the feeling that they should be more successful at 13 percent. "Earning more doesn't mean someone is more high-achieving or intelligent than you," reminds Alex. "Some industries simply pay more. You could easily be at a similar level and have a five-figure discrepancy between your salaries. If you love your job more, have more flexibility or good benefits, does it matter if you earn less?"

Earning more doesn't mean someone is more high-achieving or intelligent than you.

If you really feel uncomfortable about revealing your salary, you shouldn't feel pressured to talk about it. "Instead, discuss your work benefits (such as healthcare or discounts), spending habits, or personal experiences about money and work," says Emilie Bellet, founder of The Wallet podcast and Vestpod.com. "In time, you may feel happier discussing what you actually earn."

Dilemma: I don't want to miss out on fun with friends—but I don't want to get into debt either. 

The solution: When it comes to fun with friends, the FOMO is real—but giving into the temptation of doing something you can't afford is not worth getting into debt for. "Take a step back and make a spending plan first by creating a budget," says Emilie. "When you're paid, allocate your income to bills, essential spending, savings and, finally, fun. Every time you do things with friends, only spend from your 'fun pot.'"

To overcome peer pressure, try sharing your financial goals with your friends, and telling them that you're trying to save a certain amount within a specific period—say, for a rent deposit. "If something is out of your budget, suggest cheaper solutions—you may even find your friends feel the same, but were too afraid to say."

Dilemma: My friend is really bad with money. What should I say?

The solution: First things first, don't go in with your views and advice immediately. Approach the subject with caution and sensitivity—and only if you feel they're really suffering as a result. "Instead of implying they're doing things wrong, ask them if they want to 'talk' about money. You could open the conversation by suggesting you need help and asking if they want to be your 'accountability buddy' or 'savings supporter,' for example.

You could even ask them to share a savings goal with you," says Emilie. This will help them learn from you and discover better ways to manage their money. It also gives you a good excuse to open up a conversation about finances when you feel the need. If you're feeling a bit uncomfortable, practice what you'll say first. But don't judge your friend and go in with a supportive attitude. "It can take time to change someone's money mindset because money is a personal thing and we were all brought up with different attitudes to it," Emilie says.

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This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com/uk. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.

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Source: Cosmo PH