Think about the recent shows and movies you’ve seen and narrow that down to ones with sex scenes. Now among those, how many of them have people talking about or engaging in oral sex? For me, it was 365 Days, and even in that movie, it didn’t last very long. Oral sex is just one of those things that isn’t discussed or depicted enough—yes, even in porn. In fact, watch any porn video and you’ll see that the woman gets eaten out for *maybe* 30 seconds before they switch positions and she gives him a blow job for five minutes!!! The audacity, I tell you. If this hits close to home (read: it’s exactly what’s happening in your bedroom), and you want your partner to stay down there just a little bit longer, you should 100 percent bring it up. Just like anything else in a relationship, communication is the answer.
But how do you bring up oral sex in a conversation?
Well, the most important thing you have to know is that it’s possible that the reason your partner isn’t giving you oral sex is because he or she doesn’t feel as strongly about it as you do. Whether it’s giving or receiving, some people love oral sex; others don’t like it; and then there are those who can take it or leave it. Iba-iba lang talaga. Baka naman tingin niya hindi rin ganun ka-importante sa’yo. But everyone has the right to ask for exactly what they want—and that extends to your sex life. So, if you’re in a relationship where you can just bring this up casually, then it’s really as simple as telling your partner what you want. “Can you go down on me?” or “I wish you could go down on me more.” These are straight to the point—you don’t leave any room for interpretation.
There’s also dirty talk.
For the record, “dirty talk” doesn’t actually just mean using the filthiest words you know to turn someone on. Most of the time, it’s not even about what you say but how you say it. If your partner is someone who picks up on hints, something along the lines of, “My favorite feeling in the world is when you go down on me” should work like a charm. Or, “I can’t stop thinking about the last time you ate me out” or even “You know what would be so hot? If you went down on me right now.” Dirty talk works best when you’re comfortable and confident, which is the complete opposite of how you feel when you think you have to put on a big show. And if you’re *really* shy, start by asking him via text instead of face-to-face.
Have a serious conversation.
Maybe you two just aren’t the silly type at ‘di kayang idaan sa dirty talk yung ganitong usapan—that’s understandable, too. We suggest just having the conversation outside the bedroom. Just like any other issue you talk about as a couple, one of the best things you can do for your relationship is to discuss your desires openly. And if you’re having sex regularly, it’s unlikely that those wants and needs stay the same for years. If it’s hard for you to orgasm without oral sex—first of all, you’re not alone!!!—this is an important factor to bring up because your partner should want to make sure you’re getting equal pleasure in the bedroom. To avoid making them feel like it’s their fault, you can start the conversation by saying something positive about your sex life (like maybe how you’re so happy you spend so much time on foreplay or talk about your favorite positions) then casually bring up that oral sex could make it *better*.
If he or she agrees, then great. But don’t forget that consent is super important in a healthy sex life, so your partner doesn’t feel comfortable or expresses reservations, listen to their reasons. Maybe they’ve experienced trauma or are insecure about what to do or any number of things that are valid to your sex life. Recognize their boundaries and work it out from there. Sex is important in many relationships, so if you both can’t seem to come to terms on what you want your sex life to be like, it’s also possible that you might decide to find someone who you’re compatible with in that area.
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Source: Cosmo PH
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